


You were right

by Chichikk



Series: I chose to feel it and you couldn’t choose [3]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: AI, AI gavin, Angst, Gavin loves horror movies fight me, Grief, M/M, Self Harm, Suicide Attempt, sad shit incoming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2019-11-29 03:01:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18217304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chichikk/pseuds/Chichikk
Summary: March 18th, 2041It had been 5 months, 18 days, five minutes and seven seconds since Gavin Reed was pronounced dead.He would say he remembered how he felt hearing the news, but the feeling hasn’t let go of him. Hank warned him about this;The restless nights, scared to fall asleep and wake up only to remember the person you loved was gone.(Work title from ‘You were right’ by julia jacklin





	1. You were right

March 18th, 2041

It had been 5 months, 18 days, five minutes and seven seconds since Gavin Reed was pronounced dead.  
He would say he remembered how he felt hearing the news, but the feeling hasn’t let go of him. Hank warned him about this;  
The restless nights, scared to fall asleep and wake up only to remember the person you loved was gone.  
Androids couldn’t cry- couldn’t process these things in the same way humans could. Humans could sob, could hurl themselves on the casket of the deceased as they screamed for them not to be gone.

Nines...  
He felt numb again.  
Without gavin, he wasn’t ‘Nines’, he was RK900. He wasn’t for anyone to use as a shoulder to cry on, not needed as an alarm clock for a groggy human who never wanted to get up before 8. He...  
He was not needed.  
Hank had connor to take care of him, Tina had a whole group of friends she could lean on.  
The precinct was doing considerably well since he arrived, but even without him, they were efficient.  
It was like he was never even there.  
Hell, he wasn’t there for gavin when he needed him- shot in the stomach, vital organs damaged- he bled out within the hour. Nines could have taken that bullet, he would’ve taken it- he’d take anything over the hollow emptiness remaining in Gavin’s absence.

Connor was well aware of the lieutenant’s suicidal behavior after he had lost his son, and insisted that he should call if he ever felt....

Well, like this.

Eyeing the balcony outside of the glass sliding doors, he felt a sickly courage build up in his chest as he raised off the couch, walking to the door calmly.  
Placing his hand on the handle, he felt eyes on him, all around him. 

No. He has to do this.  
If a machine has no purpose left, then-

‘You don’t actually think that, right?’

Gripping the handle, he let the cold unforgiving air whip around him as rain fell to the ground haphazardly.  
This was it.  
An android, made for strength and lack of emotions, was about to end his own life.  
He would have thought to leave a note if he figured anyone would read a broken machine’s final written words.  
Climbing over the railing, he stood, the only thing keeping him from dropping was his hand on the rain soaked metal. 

“Nines...?”

No, no- he was...he was hearing things. A last ditch effort by his processor to sustain itself.  
Gavin Reed is dead.

“Please....please, don’t do this.”

Gavin Reed was cremated due to his distaste for the funeral industry

“Nines, please, look at me”

Gavin reed is...

Looking back, he saw the detective

Dry in all the rain  
Face flushed and alive  
Taking in breath after breath in front of him

“Please...”


	2. You were wrong

“How”

The word was lost in the wind, eyes blown wide at the sight of the detective.  
He remembered people at the funeral speaking about the afterlife;  
A pure place among the sky where Gavin would be- a better place.  
Of course he’s heard of ghosts and the paranormal- how could he have avoided it; After the loss of someone close to you, who could resist the idea of them being back in any capacity? But he knew it was all urban legends- scare the young for kicks and maybe help someone with closure- but this....  
This was too vivid.  
His hair, imperfect, with strands in his face covering those hazel eyes which were coated in something he couldn’t quite pin point.  
“How are you here”  
He spoke louder this time through gritted teeth.  
“I...Just please, get off the railing— please don’t do this Nines!”  
He was pleading, tears in those eyes he would find himself lost in for hours on end.  
A sudden wave of emotions crashed into him into a sensation of mind numbing anguish as he felt every little detail around him suffocate his senses.  
“I...I saw you, Gavin. You were cold to the touch—“ he was so lost, like an abandoned pet left alone in the cold. “Why...Why did you have to go?”  
He couldn’t feel the hand cupping his rain soaked face, but it was there all the same. “You know I would’ve given anything to stay here with you, Nines.”  
The android exhaled shakily, hanging his head in shame. “You’re angry, and...it’s normal. If I saw you die, you know I would’ve raised hell, but...you have to keep going. You’ve kept 13,786 memories of me, Nines. You know This isn’t what I would’ve wanted...”

RK sighed, nodding as he climbed back over the railing onto the balcony and allowing his knees to give out from under him, hiding his face in the palms of his hands.  
“I continue to let you down, even in your death.” 

The rain was letting up, the moon illuminating the now drenched cyber life issued jacket.  
The sudden BANG of a door being kicked in made him look up to see a horrified connor running up to him, crashing down to the ground and hugging him tightly. 

“I-I was coming over to check up on you and I saw you about to jump- and I was so scared that I’d get here and—“ a silent pat to his predecessor’s head calmed his swirling thoughts before he could damage himself. 

“Connor....I saw something...”


	3. Good friend

Hank was leaned against the kitchen counter as Connor paced in front of him, hands in hair, confusion painting his features. “Grief can do things to humans- make them see things or hear things in their depression, but...I’m unsure if you being an android makes that less or more probable reason for what you saw.”  
Connor sighed, crossing his arms. “You were under a lot of stress up there; your processor may have thought the image of Gavin would keep you from self destructing.”  
Nines winced at just how blunt it was.  
His predecessor was right- Gavin wouldn’t just come back out of nowhere like none of this never happened. Despite his deviancy, Nines was still a machine; he couldn’t fight his instincts to analyze, or to continue his ‘mission.’

“I have no mission to follow, Connor.”

The android in question stilled, concern in his eyes.  
“Gavin is gone. I have no reason to exist anymore. My main directive was to protect him, no matter what- and I failed. If it was a desperate attempt from somewhere in me to keep myself alive, I can’t see the point.”  
Hank’s gruff, tired voice cut through the deafening silence. “Just because he’s gone doesn’t mean you’re nothing, kid.”  
RK shrugged minutely, eyes focused on the floor. “And I’m not just saying that because you’re ‘cyber life’s best’ or some shit— You...You can’t let yourself go that kind of road.”  
Rk’s hands tightened into fists in his lap, brows furrowing as his LED shifted to a bright red. “You’re a human, Hank. You were made with no intentions in mind- you’re allowed to make of yourself what you want- I can’t! I was created with a task in mind, and now—“  
A voice chiming in from the back of his mind startled him into silence, head whipping up to see his detective again- this time across the room, sat on the table of the dining room.  
“Hey, I know you’re sad right now but if you haven’t noticed, the old man’s trying to help you. Something called ‘sympathy’- it’s wild, i know.” 

Connor looked in the direction nines was staring in. “Is he there, Nines?” He asked quietly, letting nines nod in silence.  
“What, so he’s just sitting on my table or some shit? I swear if my house becomes haunted—“

Gavin threw up his hand in confusion, eyebrows knit. “This guy never heard of an AI before?” He asked, pulling a cigarette from his coat’s inner pocket.  
“Gavin, you are in someone else’s HOME you can’t just—“  
Gavin scoffed, raising a lighter to the cancer stick. “Relax, tin can. Not actually here,” he stepped towards hank, hand reaching out, only to phase through the other “remember?”  
Nines buried his face in his hands, groaning in exhaustion. 

“I hate this.”


	4. Never gonna feel the same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How could I ever forget?

September 14th, 2040  
11:45 AM

The detective came into work later than usual, lack of sleep obvious in his face. By now, the android could pick up on Gavin’s small habits when he’s been deprived of sleep; immediately going to get a coffee from the break room, fidgety behavior, rubbing his face to try and get the exhaustion out.  
He knew these little things about his partner not just from being skilled at observation, but because he had subconsciously saved the human’s habits to his memories.  
During the times he’d go into stasis at night, he’d find himself going over those memories in detail;  
What had he said that made the detective lash out in anger, and how could he avoid it next time? What does Gavin think of his work as a partner? What was it that he had done to make him smile, and could he replicate it so it’d be seen once more?

A snap of fingers in front of his face pulled him from his deep thoughts. 

“Hey, Nines- You got any leads on the red ice thing from last week?”

Ah, right.  
To avoid saying the ‘long as fuck’, as Gavin put it- serial number RK900, the detective had resorted to a nickname.  
The RK unit would be lying if he said his processors didn’t flare up with software instabilities and errors he couldn’t pinpoint. He’d run a diagnostic over and over again, only to come back with nothing that could explain such feelings.

“Some CCTV footage, but nothing that can help us track the dealer back to his place of operation.”  
Gavin leaned back in his chair with a heavy sigh, arms crossed. “Hey, uh- You’re kind of fuckin weird, right?”  
The android blinked, eyebrow raised “I can be viewed as such by humans despite my best efforts, so I suppose so- why?”  
The detective’s face turned a light pink, avoiding looking at the other.  
“I, uh...I got some tickets for a horror movie this Friday, but Tina’s busy so now I got an extra ticket— do you wanna go with me?”

The android’s eyebrows knit in confusion, LED swirling as he reviewed officer Chen’s schedule.  
“Tina Chen is off work this Friday, and she usually speaks to everyone about the plans she has, but I’ve heard nothing”

A sudden groan from across the desk made him look up in surprise  
“Jesus cHRIST, just let be ask you out!” 

oh

OH.

The android’s face turned a soft blue, eyes wide. 

“I’d be happy to go with you.”

 

March 18th, 2041

Holding the faded ticket in his hand, he felt his chest twist in pain as he let the memory flood through him.

Before their first date, RK thought nothing of the horror genre- humans desiring to be scared and feel a rush of adrenaline without any real danger. However, after seeing that movie with gavin and learning of the other’s love for the theme, he found himself having a soft spot for it;  
It reminded him of the detective.  
Maybe thats why after Gavin’s funeral, the android lied down on the couch for 4 days straight, watching the entirety of his detective’s movie collection.  
He rewatched the first movie they saw together 20 times back to back, memorizing the cliché script word for word.  
He remembered Gavin jumping at the loud sound cues, grabbing the android’s upper arm for comfort. 

He wanted gavin back-  
Not an AI made from patched up memories with a mask on, The real gavin.  
The flawed human being.  
Gavin Reed, who loves horror, is smarter than he lets on, a sensitive and calming figure to children at crime scenes, and...

And always there when needed.  
Always.


	5. Feel so small

He stared blankly at the empty and lifeless desk across from him; every detail he picked up from the former work space of the detective made him want to sob like he’d seen Gavin’s friends and family do at the funeral. He needed to let out the pain building inside of him- allow himself to lie in a heap of parts on the floor and CRY. Instead he was stuck, in a box and forced by his own programming to be stone faced as the details of gavin came into his view from the scan of his desk.  
A random assortment of dog hair from the detective stopping to pet whatever breed was being walked near him as he made his way to work. Coffee rings, all in one specific place at the edge of his desk.  
The dust accumulating on the computer across from him made the android feel sick.  
Had it really been that long?  
He’d avoided touching anything on the detective’s desk as to preserve it for when he’d come back, since he never liked his things being touched-  
but...

Gavin wasn’t coming back.  
In some deep part of his mind, he wanted to believe that these past few months have been nothing more than a bad dream, accumulated from the other deaths he’s seen on the job and made into a terrifying experience for him to have while in stasis, but the ever present ache in his body just made it all the more clear that the detective was gone.  
“I’m not gone entirely, nines, you know that already.”  
The real detective, anyway. He still had this figment of Gavin from his grief infested system. A Gavin who was built from a desperate need for the detective’s presence by his side after losing it so suddenly. Maybe he should’ve deleted all those files from knowing gavin, but he couldn’t; forgetting him would be worse than death.  
“I’m not doing this.” RK said silently through gritted teeth, closing his eyes to avoid looking into those artificial hazel eyes staring back at him.  
“You can’t just avoid me, nines- YOU made me to help, and now you’re acting like I’m not even here—“

The android stood, slamming his hands down on the desk  
“YOU’RE DEAD!”  
Blinking his eyes open, he looked around, seeing his coworkers staring right back at him in concern and a sad sense of pity.  
Before he could even sit down, a door opening and his name being called by fowler.

He felt eyes all around him as he walked to the captain’s office, eyes to the floor.  
“RK, I am....aware of how much Gavin’s death has affected you. Nobody can blame you for the grief you are going through, but you must remember that we have a job to do here at the DPD, and if we let emotions get in the way—“  
The captain was calm in his delivery, but RK wasn’t having any of it  
“I didn’t let my emotions get in the way before and Detective Reed was still murdered, So I don’t understand what you want me to do.” 

He could tell Fowler was holding his tongue to avoid yelling at the sad excuse of an android in front of him.  
“I want you to go home, RK. Take some time to actually grieve, not to distract yourself with things that will only remind you of your loss. I’m not letting you back on the job until you’re mentally sound, alright? This...never gets easier, RK. I’ll be honest, it hurts like a bitch every single time, not to mention this is your first loss of a loved one. You don’t deserve to keep shit like that down- Go home and let yourself move on. The DPD will still be here when you’re ready to come back, okay?” 

He couldn’t speak. He felt so hollow again- what if he came back and they stripped the desk of gavin’s possessions- what if he was assigned a new partner?  
He felt his chest shaking in a quiet laugh, arms stiff and shivering as he turned, letting himself out of the office. 

Of course he’d be kicked out for this- he was supposed to be a state of the art android, emotionless and unbreakable, but instead he was a disgusting, pitiful mess of wires and scrap no one wanted because the only person who did is gone, and he took every good quality the android grew to have with him into the grave. 

“Nines-“

Walking past the apparition, he walked out of the precinct as he felt his predecessor watch on in horror. 

Now was a better time than ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rk: I lost my dear husband, Gavin
> 
> AI!Gavin: STOP TELLING EVERYONE I’M DEAD
> 
> Rk: sometimes I can still hear his voice...


	6. I want to

How dare he.

He could only feel a building hatred for himself as he held his thirium pump in hand, the timer in the corner of his vision only numbed him more to the idea of death.   
He absently wondered who would find him;  
Connor had come up to check up on him when he attempted to self destruct before, so seeing him walk out of the precinct after his meltdown in front of everyone must have clued him into his plans.   
He couldn’t let himself think of those brown eyes coated in loss as he would be forced to look on and see his brother get buried. He couldn’t think of hank at home, feeling like he could’ve done more— it all made him want to put his heart back inside his chest and do better, BE better.  
Was this how it felt to have your life flash before your eyes? He remembered meeting Gavin for the first time, their first kiss, throwing snowballs at each other at the end of their 5th date, and... he remembered Gavin in his arms.  
He saved that program- saved it so Gavin could be forgotten, so he could move on.  
And he crushed it in his hand.  
If he died....

“Your memories of me die with you.”

The voice of gavin flooding through his systems made him snap his eyes open, swiping the thirium pump from the floor and putting it back into his chest, stopping the timer in it’s tracks.

“I...I don’t want to lose them...I-I....I don’t wanna lose you....”  
Nines shook as he sobbed with no tears, letting his hands claw into his own face.

“I know you don’t, Nines. You proved that to me a long time ago.”

Nines blinked, turning to look at gavin’s face in the present, one last time.  
“Detective?”

“Yeah, nines?”

The android sighed shakily, a feeling of bitter sweet closure washing over him.  
“I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi ima cry over my own goddamn fic


End file.
